Am I Overcompensating?

Have you ever noticed how some people work overtime trying to convince everybody of how smart, tough, attractive, successful, or important they are?

I mean, they are going to make sure you know!

Sometimes I wonder whether all that confidence is actually confidence or if there's something else going on underneath.

Let's talk about overcompensating.

Overcompensation can happen when we feel inadequate in one area of our lives and try to make up for it by emphasizing something else.

I may not be as smart, but I'm tougher.

I may not be financially secure, but I'm a better partner.

I may not be traditionally attractive, but I'm more successful.

I may not have what you have, but let me tell you what I've got!

And the list goes on.

Now, there's absolutely nothing wrong with recognizing your strengths. We al l have them, and we should be proud of them.But there's a difference between being confident in what you bring to the table and needing to convince everybody that your table is better than theirs.

That's where false pride can enter the picture. Sometimes people become overly aggressive, sarcastic, boastful, or critical of others because they're trying to distract attention from something they feel insecure about. And here's the unfortunate part.

You may be drawing more attention to your insecurities than you realize.

Think about it.

When you're constantly criticizing other people's intelligence, appearance, finances, relationships, or accomplishments, what do you think happens? People start looking at yours. Not necessarily because they were interested in your shortcomings to begin with, but because you've made a habit of pointing out theirs. And sometimes people respond to criticism by looking for something they can use to defend themselves. You know what they say about people who live in glass houses.

Well, some of us are standing in the living room throwing bricks through everybody else's windows, forgetting that our own walls are made of glass. Then we're shocked when somebody throws one back. Here's something else to consider: not every sarcastic or outspoken person is insecure. Sometimes sarcasm is just humor, and confidence can be genuine. But when we repeatedly feel the need to diminish somebody else to feel better about ourselves, that's worth examining.

Why does someone else's success make you uncomfortable? Why do you need to prove you're tougher, smarter, wealthier, or more desirable? Why can't someone else have something wonderful without you needing to remind everybody what you have?

And most importantly, what are you trying to hide from yourself?

You don't have to be the smartest person in the room. You don't have to have the most money. You don't have to be the most attractive, the toughest, or the most accomplished.

You can appreciate what somebody else brings to the table without questioning your own worth. That's confidence. And sometimes the most confident thing you can do is simply be comfortable with who you are, including the areas where you're still growing.

So here's my challenge for this week. Before you make that sarcastic comment, throw that insult, or remind everybody how much better you are at something, ask yourself:

Am I expressing confidence, or am I overcompensating for something I don't feel good about? Because sometimes the loudest person in the room isn't the most confident.

Sometimes they're just working the hardest to convince everybody, including themselves, that they are.

Take a good look in the mirror. What are you trying to prove, and to whom?

Stay rooted. Stay real.