Voluntarily Single vs. Involuntarily Single: Understanding the Difference

Singleness is often painted with a single brush—either pitied or glamorized. But not all single experiences are the same. Some people choose solitude. Others are navigating it unexpectedly. The difference between being voluntarily single and involuntarily single can shape a person’s self-esteem, emotional well-being, and even their outlook on love and life.

What Does It Mean to Be Voluntarily Single?

Voluntary singles actively choose to remain unattached. This could be for a variety of reasons:

• Prioritizing career, healing, spirituality, or personal growth

• Dissatisfaction with dating culture or past relationships

• A desire for independence or freedom from relational obligations

Voluntarily single individuals often report higher levels of autonomy and clarity about their needs and boundaries. According to a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science (Adamczyk, 2019), individuals who choose to be single often experience less distress and enjoy higher life satisfaction compared to those who feel “stuck” in singleness.

This choice isn’t necessarily permanent. Voluntary singles may be open to love, but they are not willing to settle or rush. The key difference lies in intentionality.

What Does It Mean to Be Involuntarily Single?

Involuntarily single people, on the other hand, desire a relationship but have difficulty finding or maintaining one. This can lead to feelings of frustration, inadequacy, or loneliness. Some may feel “ready” for love, but face barriers such as:

• A limited dating pool

• Past relational trauma

• Low self-esteem or unresolved attachment issues

• Societal factors (race, age, weight, etc.) that influence dating experiences

Research by Menelaos Apostolou (2021) in the Personality and Individual Differences journal found that a significant number of adults remain involuntarily single due to mismatches in expectations, poor flirting or communication skills, and fear of rejection.

Unlike voluntary singles, involuntary singles may experience emotional fatigue, especially when their relationship status feels like a result of external failure rather than internal choice.

Why the Distinction Matters

The difference isn’t about superiority—it’s about emotional agency. People who feel they’ve chosen their singleness tend to feel empowered. Those who feel forced into it may wrestle with shame or disappointment.

Understanding the distinction helps reduce judgment. Not everyone who is single is bitter, and not everyone who is in a relationship is fulfilled. Singleness is not a problem to solve—it’s a season with its own lessons, gifts, and challenges.

Whether voluntary or involuntary, the single experience can still be full of joy, meaning, and growth when approached with self-compassion and clarity.

How to Thrive—Regardless of Your Status

• Name your reason – Are you single by choice or by circumstance? This reflection alone can shift your mindset.

• Work on what’s within your control – Whether that’s healing, communication skills, or expanding your social circles.

• Stop comparing timelines – Everyone’s path to love, if they choose it, unfolds differently.

• Build a fulfilling life solo – Friendships, hobbies, spirituality, and service are all valid sources of connection.

Final Thought

Being single doesn’t say anything about your worth. But understanding why you’re single can say everything about your path forward. Whether you’re taking a break from relationships or still hoping for one, both paths deserve respect—and both can be rich with purpose.