Why Are We Fighting Battles in the Lives of People Who Don't Know Us?

Every time I open social media, the same thing happens.

People are passionately debating the lives of celebrities.

Who cheated.

Who lied.

Who deserved what happened.

Who should be canceled.

Who should be forgiven.

And while those conversations are happening, there are stories unfolding every single day in our own communities that receive a fraction of the attention.

As someone who works in domestic violence prevention and behavior change, I can't help but notice the difference.

People will spend hours debating Chris Brown's history of domestic violence, yet ignore the warning signs happening in their own family.

They'll argue about whether it's acceptable to stream R. Kelly's music while dismissing someone they personally know who finally found the courage to disclose abuse.

They'll dissect every detail of Megan Thee Stallion's relationships while refusing to examine their own character, communication, or relationship patterns.

Why?

Because discussing someone else's life is often easier than confronting our own.

Parasocial Relationships

Psychologists have a name for this phenomenon.

It's called a parasocial relationship.

A parasocial relationship is a one-sided emotional connection we develop with someone who doesn't actually know us.

Celebrities.

Athletes.

Influencers.

Podcast hosts.

Actors.

We feel like we know them because we've watched them, listened to them, and followed their lives for years.

But the relationship only exists in one direction.

They don't know us.

Why We Become So Invested

Most people assume fandom is simply entertainment.

Sometimes it is.

But sometimes it's much deeper than that.

We aren't just watching celebrities.

We're projecting ourselves onto them.

When we defend a celebrity, we're often defending something inside ourselves.

When we attack a celebrity, we're often attacking something that reminds us of someone—or something—we've experienced.

The celebrity simply becomes the symbol.

The battle was never really about them.

The Celebrity Becomes the Stand-In

Have you ever noticed how emotionally intense these conversations become?

Someone criticizes a celebrity...

...and people react as though their own family has been insulted.

Someone accuses a celebrity...

...and people immediately choose sides.

Why?

Because those stories activate our own.

The cheating reminds us of our ex.

The betrayal reminds us of our childhood.

The abandonment reminds us of our parents.

The abuse reminds us of our own experiences.

Or perhaps...

It reminds us of ourselves.

The celebrity becomes the stand-in for a battle we've already been fighting privately.

Escapism Can Become Avoidance

Do celebrities and influencers appreciate loyal fans?

Of course.

Their supporters buy concert tickets.

Watch movies.

Purchase products.

Increase engagement.

That attention often becomes income.

But there's another side to parasocial relationships.

Sometimes admiration crosses into obsession.

Sometimes criticism becomes harassment.

Sometimes people begin believing they're entitled to a celebrity's time, attention, or personal life.

History has shown us where that can lead.

Many of us remember what happened to Selena Quintanilla-Pérez. A fan's admiration became fixation, and fixation ended in tragedy.

Most parasocial relationships never reach that extreme, but they remind us that emotional investment without boundaries can become unhealthy.

Mirror Work

The question isn't whether celebrity news is interesting.

It often is.

The question is whether we're using it to avoid ourselves.

It's much easier to debate Megan Thee Stallion's choices than to examine our own relationship patterns.

It's easier to criticize Chris Brown than to confront abusive behaviors we've normalized within our own families.

It's easier to argue about whether R. Kelly deserves streams than to ask why survivors in our own lives often struggle to be believed.

Celebrity conversations aren't inherently bad.

But when they become substitutes for personal growth, they stop being entertainment.

They become avoidance.

Final Thought

The next time you find yourself deeply invested in the rise or fall of someone you'll probably never meet, pause for a moment.

Ask yourself:

Why does this story matter so much to me?

Does it remind me of something I've lived through?

Someone I've loved?

A decision I've made?

A wound I haven't healed?

Because sometimes we're not really fighting battles in the lives of celebrities.

We're fighting battles in our own lives through people we've never met.

And while those conversations may be easier...

The real healing begins when we stop looking at them...

...and start looking in the mirror.