Dear Younger Me

There are a few things I wish someone had told you sooner.

The first is this:

Everyone is not going to like you.

And that's okay.

It doesn't matter how nice you are.

How polite.

How funny.

How smart.

How pretty.

How friendly.

You will never be everyone's cup of tea.

Some people simply won't like you because you're you.

Sometimes it'll be jealousy.

Sometimes your personality just won't click with theirs.

Sometimes you'll remind them of someone else.

Sometimes you'll have done absolutely nothing at all.

You don't need to spend your life figuring out which one it is.

You also need to know something else.

You don't have to be friends with everyone who's nice to you.

I know that's hard for you.

Right now, you think kindness automatically turns into friendship.

You believe if someone laughs with you today, they'll be there tomorrow.

You think shared classes, shared neighborhoods, and shared experiences automatically create lifelong connections.

They don't.

Some people are only passing through your life.

Others are only there because it's convenient.

And some were never really your friend at all.

That doesn't make them bad people.

It just means they weren't your people.

Mom and Dad...

They're going to do everything they can to protect you.

And they do a really good job.

But there are some lessons parents can't protect you from.

They can't choose your friends.

They can't see every manipulation.

They can't experience every disappointment before you do.

Eventually, you'll have to learn discernment.

You'll have to recognize that not everyone deserves unlimited access to your heart.

That doesn't mean becoming cynical.

It means becoming wise.

Here's something else.

You're naive.

I don't mean that as an insult.

It's actually one of my favorite things about you.

You genuinely believe people are good.

You assume good intentions.

You give second chances before people ask for them.

You believe people can change.

And here's the beautiful part...

I hope you never lose that completely.

You won't.

But life will teach you something.

You'll still believe in people.

You'll simply stop believing everyone belongs in your life.

There's a difference.

As you get older, people will tell you you've changed.

They'll say you're quieter.

More guarded.

Less friendly.

They're partly right.

You're not less kind.

You're just more discerning.

You've learned that being available to everyone often means you're unavailable to yourself.

You've learned that protecting your peace doesn't require becoming cold.

It requires becoming intentional.

You'll end up in crowds you had no business being in.

You'll date people you knew better than to date.

You'll ignore red flags because you wanted to believe the best.

You'll mistake potential for character.

You'll mistake attention for affection.

You'll mistake familiarity for friendship.

And every single one of those experiences will teach you something.

Even the painful ones.

Especially the painful ones.

Here's something that surprised me.

When people ask about childhood trauma...

I don't think about home.

I think about friendships.

My parents gave me safety.

My grandparents gave me love.

My family gave me belonging.

The places I felt hurt weren't inside my home.

They were outside of it.

I had lots of friends.

Or so I thought.

Looking back...

I had a lot of acquaintances.

Very few people who truly knew me.

Very few relationships that stood the test of time.

That hurt then.

More than I admitted.

I wondered why I always seemed to have people around me...

...yet still felt alone sometimes.

But here's what I know now.

Being liked by many isn't the same as being deeply known by a few.

You don't need a hundred friends.

You need people who celebrate your successes without competing with them.

People who tell you the truth with kindness.

People who protect your name when you're not in the room.

People who can sit with your tears without trying to fix them.

People who feel like home.

Those relationships are rare.

But they're worth waiting for.

So, younger me...

Keep your soft heart.

Keep your curiosity.

Keep believing people can change.

Just don't confuse your kindness with an obligation to stay where you aren't valued.

And don't mistake someone's access to you as proof they've earned it.

One day you'll discover something beautiful.

The goal was never to be liked by everyone.

It was to be fully yourself so the right people could find you.

And they will.

Not because you became someone different.

But because you finally learned that authenticity attracts what performance never could.

Love,

Your Older Self