Mean People Suck

Ever wonder why some people are hateful, rude, mean, or downright nasty to complete strangers?

I do.

And before anyone asks, no, this isn't a blog where I pretend to have all the answers. I don't. In fact, it's something I've struggled to understand most of my life because it has never been part of my nature, my upbringing, or my personal experience to treat people with disdain for no reason at all.

To be clear, I'm not talking about people reacting to something they perceive as offensive, disrespectful, or harmful. We all have moments where we respond emotionally to situations. That's human.

I'm talking about the people who seem committed to hostility before a word has even been exchanged.

The ones who are rude when no offense has occurred.

The ones who seem annoyed by your existence.

The ones who treat kindness as weakness and courtesy as something that must be earned.

That last one has always fascinated me.

You'll often hear people say, "Respect is earned, not given."

Maybe.

But that's not how I was raised.

I was taught that respect and kindness are part of basic human decency. They are the starting point, not the reward. Everyone deserves a baseline level of respect until they give you a reason to withdraw it.

Notice I didn't say everyone deserves friendship.

Everyone doesn't deserve access to your personal life.

Everyone doesn't deserve your trust.

Everyone doesn't deserve your time.

But everyone deserves basic civility.

There's a difference.

You don't have to start a conversation with every person you encounter.

You don't have to smile at everyone who makes eye contact.

You don't have to become friends with your neighbors, coworkers, or the stranger standing next to you in line.

But you also don't have to be rude.

You don't have to be dismissive.

You don't have to be cruel.

You don't have to make someone else's day worse simply because you crossed paths with them.

Now, because of the work I do, I understand there are often underlying reasons people behave this way.

Some people are grieving.

Some people are struggling with depression.

Some are carrying trauma.

Some are overwhelmed.

Some are dealing with financial stress, family problems, health concerns, or mental health challenges.

All of those things can be true.

But at some point, those explanations become excuses.

Being in pain does not give mature adults permission to unload that pain onto people who didn't create it.

One of my favorite sayings is:

"Heal from those who hurt you before you bleed on those who didn't cut you."

That's easier said than done, of course. Healing is messy. Growth takes time.

But the principle remains true.

The pain we inflict on innocent people says far more about us than it does about them.

When someone is consistently rude, dismissive, hateful, or mean without cause, I don't find myself questioning the worth of the person receiving the behavior.

I find myself questioning the character of the person delivering it.

Because kindness costs very little.

Respect costs very little.

Basic decency costs very little.

And while none of us will get it right all the time, we should at least be trying.

The older I get, the more I realize that being a good person isn't measured by how we treat the people we love.

Most people are kind to the people they love.

Character is revealed by how we treat the people who can do absolutely nothing for us.

The cashier.

The server.

The customer service representative.

The coworker.

The stranger.

The person who has no power, influence, status, or value to offer us.

Those interactions tell the real story.

So if you find yourself constantly angry at everyone, annoyed by everyone, offended by everyone, or treating people poorly simply because they're there, it may be time for some mirror work.

Because not every bad day belongs to someone else.

Sometimes the person creating the unpleasant experience is the one looking back at you in the mirror.

And that's good news.

Because unlike everyone else, that's the one person you actually have the power to change.